Our husbands. I tell you, I've learned this lesson the hard way. My focus is to save you a few arguments and nights on the couch, by giving you sound advice on how to put your husband before your children without neglecting your children (and loosing your mind).
Include your husband in child-rearing and decisions. This could simply mean keeping your husband abreast of the daily schedule and activities of your child. The key here is to not make the conversation solely about the children, but just enough that dad feels a part of the team and not apart from the team. If it's time to shop for the next season's clothes, ask your hubby to tag along or send him pictures while you are out. Get his input on which outfit to dress the twins in for picture day or ask him to do a 2:00 a.m. feeding and help you sing your daughter to sleep. The key here is to work together. Besides the more you communicate and dad participates, the more time you have to prepare for the next part...
Make the effort for Couples Time. How many times have you heard "Not tonight, I was up all day with the kids. I just want to sleep." Maybe you've been the one who said it. Truth be told, you have to work a little harder at romance when you've been covered in snotty noses, poop, and listening to crying babies all day. The last thing you want to do is get freaky with your husband and miss out on some well needed rest. It may be that you and your husband don't spend 2 hours on 4-play and spend more time having sex with each other. It could be that you steal a few moments to gaze into each other's eyes while the dishes are washing and the kids are napping. Romance doesn't always mean sex. It means that you and your spouse are equally putting in the effort to stay connected with each other on a consistent basis.
Schedules were made for a reason. I'm not one for always scheduling alone time. However, I do understand that each house is different and sometimes, you have to plan it out. The anticipation in knowing that something is about to go down can be quite exhilarating and motivation to get the kids in bed on time. The truth is, we as parents need a break every now and again. The village is not just for the child, but for the parent to be able to get a grip on the demands of marriage and parenthood. Everyone now and again, you just have to call grandma or auntie to request a baby-free night. Schedules can also help you to get a grip on your child's daily life as well as help your husband see how busy your day actually is.
I actually have 2 calendars hanging up in my kitchen. One for the weekly so my husband knows my work and church schedule, and one for the month so we both know what's happening. It helps to cut down confusion too. I wouldn't attempt intimacy if I know my husband is playing multiple games at the gym, just like he's not going to attempt anything if he knows I'm not getting home until 9 or 10:00 pm. Schedules do not replace spontaneity. There could be a time when you've had a long day, but instead of sleeping your want be romanced or do the romancing.
In the end it all boils down to how much you are willing to do to keep your marriage a priority. A husband ignored is a wife scorned. We never want to neglect our children, but we have to make sure that we are balancing married life with motherhood. It will be difficult sometimes, especially if you have a sick child. I have found that the key is to have a common vision with your husband about what you want in your marriage and work towards fulfilling that vision. Husbands came before children. One cannot substitute the other.