I started to doubt my own self and question my abilities. Then I heard a still, small voice telling me that I had more to write. It wasn’t that I missed something. It was that I had more mountains to climb and more wisdom to share. I am human and I still have insecurities that I fight through like everyone else. I had to get back to practicing what I “preached”. I make it a point to never tell anyone that marriage is perfect. No matter the religion or ethnicity, marriage takes work. You really cannot take a break because that is when the enemy tries to come in and he goes for the weakest vessel first.
Sadly, I got weak. He came for my mind and tried to turn my heart against my husband. Regardless of the situation, I had to make the decision to still be won over by the love of my husband. So I had to change up my prayers, change my thoughts, and change my actions. It is so easy to allow worldly desires to overtake your marriage and disrupt your “norm”. Soon enough those disruptions become your new “norm”. Before you know it there is chaos and you can’t figure out why. It is because you are no longer amazed by the love of your spouse. There is no second place in marriage. Remember the race is not given to the swift, nor to the strong, but to the one that endures until the end. (Ecclesiastes 9:11)
I wanted to fall back in love with my husband. I wanted to fall deeper in love with God. I wanted to be amazed by God. I wanted to be won over by my husband’s love. I wanted to win my husband over. I wanted to feel again. I lost my happiness because I allowed it to be controlled by someone else, other than God. I put everything I had into a person who was incapable of creating the Earth in 6 days. I put my hope in my own abilities to get my family out of a rut. I am not ashamed to say that I am not perfect. My God is perfect and that is all that matters to me. I believe I derailed from my journey and God took me down a road that would lead me to victory in Jesus name. He took me somewhere I was scared to go to allow me to choose Him over life.
I chose Him. I chose to love with my whole heart and stop listening to others. I chose to run to God with every fiber of my being. I chose to be amazed and in awe of his magnificent glory and receive His mercy each day. His perfection surpasses all and His love triumphs over everyone’s. I am thankful for God’s consistent, relentless pursuit of my soul. His will has proven to be far greater than mine. I could see my footprints, my husband’s foot prints and God’s. I am on a mission to only see one pair of footprints again. God’s carrying us throughout life.