I've been wrestling with my thoughts and the Holy Spirit for a while now. My self has a strong need for control and wants to do what it wants to do. Whereas the Holy Spirit is even stronger and is trying to break my need for control. The more I wrestle, the more turbulence. So much so that it caused me to doubt my love for my husband and his for me. We've had arguments along the way, but the more I wrestled the worse they got.
How could I help anyone else, when my marriage is on shaky ground? That was the thought in my mind. Finally, a breakthrough came. I stopped wrestling. I lifted my hands and I surrendered it all to God. The Holy Spirit won and that was fine by me. Now do I occasionally try to pick up the control and do things my way? Yes, I'm human. But I know that God's will is so much stronger than mine. So I surrender and have to keep reminding myself to sit down and let God work.
Through my journey, I've learned that no matter how bad today is, tomorrow is a new day. No matter how mad and frustrated I get, I can always make it right with one name. Jesus. I can call on Jesus to fight my battles and to guide me through the storm. The turbulence subsided because I stopped rocking the boat. I stopped looking for the next storm and started to enjoy the sunshine again. I made the conscious decision to stop dwelling on the uncontrollable and the past and focus on the present moment. I cherish the moments I have with my husband and rejoice in the fact that I have him.
It's not to say that every day is easy and that we will always get along. We had a tat a few hours ago, but before we left each other's presence, we talked it out and worked through the problem. The fact of the matter is that my love for him spans deeper than the Mississippi and wider than Mount Rushmore. But, mylove for God is greater than that. I have found that balancing my time and priorities helps to decrease tension and turbulence, but keeping God first keeps my household at peace. That is far more important than anything. I will always love my husband, but no one comes before God. I recognize that I would not be able to say #LoveAlways if I did not know how to love and who loves me. That lesson came from knowing God. #truth