Sometimes I just want to scream, and jump, and shout, and run around. Life can become so overwhelming that it just becomes to much. Balancing work, kids, school, church, home, sports, games, or whatever responsibilities you have is a lot for one person to handle. Especially if you are not taking care of your self. but what about your marriage? What happens when the stress of live weighs heavy on your marriage? How do you balance all of your roles and still make time for your marriage?
If the answer was that easy, you really wouldn't need me or any expert for that matter. I've always been involved in multiple projects at a time. I rarely have true down time. So while I use my breaks to work on my own self-care, I have to remember that if I want my marriage to grow, I have to learn to work with my husband and be comfortable with saying "no". Ouch! How many of us are people pleasers? We give and give and give and when it is time to give to our spouse...we are too tired. We want them to understand, yet we get mad when they do the same to us. How is this fair?
So the love limbo begins. Love Limbo is the dance we play when our marital rhythm becomes out of sync. At one point, it felt like my husband and I were roommates. When one came, the other went. I hated it, but couldn't figure out how to get back in sync. Many relationships reach this point. The truest of love can survive the Love Limbo. The relationships based on lust and lies, don't stand a chance.
One way to get out of the Love Limbo is to start talking. I'm not talking about having light conversation over coffee. I'm talking about raw, naked, meaningful conversations with no distractions. Turn the TV off, put the kids to bed, grab the tissues, strip down and stop pretending. This is the conversation that many couples do not have because it opens up doors that people don't know how to close. It is okay to be scared. If you feel like the rawness is just too real, then seek professional help to mediate the conversation. I suggest stripping down out of your clothes, because it is very easy to hide behind the masks we create for everyone else. Stripping reminds us to stop hiding from each other. Being uncomfortable with your spouse means you are really uncomfortable with yourself. If that is the case, tell your spouse that. They are the one person that we can be our true selves with no matter what. Love Limbo starts when we start hiding from each other and making the masks our true selves.
So take time this week to begin finding your true self. Talk about everything that is bothering you with your spouse. This isn't the time to point fingers. Not sure where to start? You and your spouse can put topics in the a jar and pull one at a time. Everything will not get discussed in one night and it won't be fixed overnight. It took a while to get into the limbo and it will take a while to get out. Spend a few moments each night discussing an issue and a few more moments discussing possible solutions. Then put your words into actions. Most importantly start and end each conversation with a prayer.
Love Limbo doesn't have to be the end of your relationship. Use this as a stepping stone towards fulfilling you and your spouse's marital vision.
For more help on getting out of Love Limbo, sign up for my Relationship Coaching course on the Contact Me page.